Wednesday, 14 January 2009

• Talking About Having More Children

  http://thebritgirl.com/2007/05/14/my-husband-doesnt-want-any-more-children-and-i-do/
  
  
  
  I came across this article while searching for ways to bring up having more children with my husband. I agree with a lot of the statements in it as well as some of the comments. I really would like to have a few more children or at least one more not only for me but for our son as well. I went searching for ways to bring it up so it would not seem imposing on him when the time comes to talk about it. We have agreed before that we are waiting until Arthur is in school/ we get our own place of residence before we start talking about it. We want to be in a secure place in our lives before we try for more children. In the article most of the statements are from women who says its unfair for a man to not want anymore children. They do not mean it is unfair to the child they already have they say its unfair to themselves, the mother, who have wanted x gender/amount of children since they were small. I think that is ridiculous If my husband were set against it I would back down on it I would tell him I was not happy with his decision but I would go telling him that it was unfair like I was 12years old at recess. This quote is from a guy with whom I sympathize with because I believe he is justified in not wanting anymore children.
  

  The view from a guy – Orwell:

  “…just wanted to add: I am super involved in both my daughter’s lives. I’m the one who gets up with them every morning at six, makes their breakfasts, drives them to school, etc. My wife still has insomnia and hip/back problems from the second child (who is 2 1/2). Every pregnancy has been hard and the recovery for my wife afterwards has been grueling. Our second daughter only slept in 1-2 hour bursts from the time she was 4 months to 2 years old. We were emotionally and physically exhausted every single day. I went into a deep depression after my second daughter was born. My wife still resents me for that (even though I got up every day and took care of the kids, did my work, worked on the house, volunteered at church, etc.) She had to live under a dark cloud of my depression.

  “But part of the depression was triggered by the fact that RIGHT after the birth of our second child, she immediately started talking about having a third one! (One way or the other, I am getting a vasectomy.) I feel trapped in an endless cycle of work & childcare. Plus, she is talking about wanting to move cities again, how unhappy she is, etc. I don’t respect men who deny their wives the chance to have one child to love… but women: We aren’t all callous, selfish louts. I was scared of having the first child (and the second one.) We’ve sorta maybe overcome some hurdles, but at some point, aren’t my fears justified? “

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  I believe he is entirely justified in his fears. He deserves to be listened to by his wife. But then there is another occurrence in the article that I do no think the guy was justified in what he said.
  
  “I have been with a man for 9 years and we have 3 boys. I really wanted to have a 4th child but i had the desicion forced on me!! I asked him only one more time before he went for his appointment and you know what he said the me?? ” I dont give a F*** i dont want anymore brats running around the house. So F*** off”
  
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  There are more mature ways to express yourself than that. Even if your wife were pestering you repeatedly (as I am sure she was).
  
  But I agree with the fact that the article says that sometimes this decision might end in divorce. My aunt and uncle almost got divorced over it because my uncle got a vasectomy before they found out that my cousin was a girl. (that was what my aunt kept trying for) Her only argument was what would have happened if it was a boy? His response? Then we would have three wonderful sons.
  
  I guess what I am trying to say is there is no point pushing another persons buttons for the sake of you needing to fulfill a childhood fantasy of yours. Have children because you and your husband/significant other want them. Do not have them just to become that "perfect family" you drew in your diary at age twelve. Neither my husband or I wanted kids and now that we have one we are rethinking our mindsets on the situation we would like our little bug to have someone that looks up to him and that he can play with. We want HIS life to be fulfilled with someone who will be there for him when my husband and I pass on. Someone to share the old times with. Someone who is a constant friend.
  
  What do you think about having more children? What are your opinions on this article and the comments that come with it? How did you bring up the subject to your significant other?
  
  Ps. sorry about the Italics the anti Italics is not working on that part...
  

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